


How could have you done this

by NemiMurasakino



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Aged-Up Character(s), Alpha Akaashi Keiji, Alpha Bokuto Koutarou, Alpha Iwaizumi Hajime, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Beta Hanamaki Takahiro, Beta Matsukawa Issei, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Bottom Kozume Kenma, Bottom Oikawa Tooru, Children of Characters, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Father/Son Incest, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jealous Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, M/M, Minor Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Omega Kozume Kenma, Omega Kuroo Tetsurou, Omega Oikawa Tooru, Other, POV First Person, POV Oikawa Tooru, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Pro Volleyball Player Oikawa Tooru, Protective Iwaizumi Hajime, Rare Pairings, Same-Sex Marriage, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Semi-Public Sex, Sex in a Car, Teen Pregnancy, Timeskip, Top Akaashi Keiji, Top Bokuto Koutarou, Top Kuroo Tetsurou, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:53:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26201461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NemiMurasakino/pseuds/NemiMurasakino
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou has been missing for a few years now, said dead by a lot of people, after a serious accident that Oikawa can't get through. They tortured themselves in some way, but they loved each other so much. . . Tooru is finally recovering, everything is going better in his life before a person appears again. Could it be?. . .
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 16





	1. Blind

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone~ ♡
> 
> This fanfiction is based on a old thing I wrote long ago and started on my past account months ago. I'm finally there to continue it, and do better. Let's remember my english may suck, my first language being French, but I'll try my best to write the better possible. I wanted to write something based on a dream / nightmare I had, and not gonna lie. . . the story is epic from my point of view. Please do be warned about the tags and warnings.
> 
> Also! The characters may not be exactly like in Haikyuu, since they grow up kinda differently and have somewhat new visions of things in this story. But I hope you'd still like it, it's taking me time to wrote it down!
> 
> THE FIRST VERSION COME FROM MY OLD ACCOUNT; NOYAKANAME, under the old name of "How Have you done (EN)". I'm continuing it here. ~ There may be some different stuff from the first version, but I hope you'll still like it!

> Dear . . . Why am I doing this again?

Dear _I don’t know what_ , my name is Tooru Oikawa. Anyone who read this could also know me as the «Great King», or «Grand King». I spent the best three years of my life as Aoba Johsai High Volleyball team's Captain. I was born on 20 July 1994 and, when everything went wrong, I celebrated my 18th birthday.

Let me explain everything.

I am an _Omega_ , and in the time and place I'm living, this rank is both the rarest and the one that is needed to create live. Other than me, there are the _Alpha_ and the _Beta_. Simply saying, an Alpha is the leader of the pack, the one who holds the group in place and also supreme authority. Beta is very often the most hardworking group, and it's not uncommon to know that the smartest people around you can be a part of them. And. . . for the Omega. . . We have the role to be carriers. Whether we're born as a woman or a man, our organs are made in such a way that reproduction is possible. We are there to carry the Alpha’s children and educate them. _Well_ . . . all of this is complicated. But you’ll understand the rest of the story a little better now.

I had problems, trauma and severe depression for a long time. I saw several specialists, including the one who told me to write down everything that had happened, to put my pain and my fears on paper. . . I intend to share it with you now.

The scenario . . . story, or the _Nightmare_ , began on my 18th birthday . . . Let me explain everything.

* * *

> It was the July 20, 2012, this week was. . . a special period.

Today is my birthday and in two days I will celebrate my two years of relationship with Kuroo Tetsurou. I know, it may sound strange. Two volleyball team captains with rivalries. . . We met in our first year of high school, him at Nekoma High and me at Aoba Johsai High. The first time our eyes crossed was during a games, but our gaze really crossed a few days after the start of the year, in the first official match between our two Volleyball teams.

There's no need to hide the fact. . . I have for a long, very long time, kept my homosexuality hidden from everyone; my mother, my sister and even my grandparents. . . . especially my nephew. He idolized me so much, how could I make him discover, so young he was? He probably didn’t even knew what it was. The only person who knew about it was Iwa-Chan, my best childhood friend. He’s on the same team as me, and I’ve known him for as long as I can remember. Who would have thought we are in truth such good friends? I mean. . I often get yelled at for my behavior so. . . Let’s say _childish_ , but he still likes me. He always stood by my side in the most difficult moments. _All the time_. No matter when, no matter what time of night, no matter how much I was screaming. Each of my tears, or almost all of them, have always stood on his shoulder with comforting hands holding me against him and soft words to calm my pain.

But . . . Let’s go back to the main topic. Hajime is not the reason for all these problems.

Kuroo is. And still today . . .

Kuro-chan was a lovely, wonderful and endearing boyfriend.

For a long time, we looked over each other the first few months, before both finally making a leap. I was madly embarrassed and scared . . . . the number of times I heard him say he loved women with long hair. . . _eh_.

The day I told him, at first he thought it was a bad joke.

“ I love you. ”

“ It’s a joke, right? Where’s your team? In the bushes, ready to go out and shout _prank ?_ ”

That smile on his lips made me sick. . I. . .

“ . . . Tooru, are you serious? Love how? ”

I remember feeling bitter tears rolling along my cheeks, my hands shaking when this moment had seemed to me an eternity. _God_ , the number of times I held back from running in barely five minutes! I was seeing blur, but I remember that smile. . . Grotesque, sick, and crazy. . . why didn't I asked myself more questions, at that time? He had come to me quickly, far too quickly, and had taken me in his arms whispering that he, for so long, had waited for me to come to him. He kept telling me how happy he was, and he even started to shake too.

I didn’t knew how to react on the spot, since when did a crush hurt so much? Since when did you suffer as if you were abandoned when the loved one tells you that he loves you too?

This day. . . is still blurry in my memory. The days followed, and unlike me and all my . . . . _let’s stop lying_. Before Kuroo, I had no relationship. No serious one, at least. One-night stands, a failure with Iwaizumi that had destroyed our friendship for quite a while. I probably wouldn’t be alive today if he hadn’t saved me.

I thought he’d keep it a secret, and I was surprised when I found out the next day when I joined him for lunch to go to town to find out that his entire team knew. I was . . . I felt a little betrayed at that time, but he told me that he wanted to tell everyone that I was _his_ so no guy on his team would step up to me. I was. . . surprised, a little lost. Especially when the news came to the ears of my team. When I walked into my school gymnasium for practice a week after this event, and I felt all of the eyes on me silently, I immediately closed the doors and wanted to escape. I immediately thought that was not at my place, that I would be dismissed from the team and that I would lose contact with all my dear friends . . .

To my great surprise when the doors opened quickly afterwards, with them looking at me. . . to give me big smiles and congratulate me. They let me in, asked me for details and asked how everything was going. Iwa-chan is a little worried first, but when I reassured him that everything was fine, he relaxed and congratulated me in turn. Careful to make me promise to talk to him if anything happens.

I promised.  
But I stepped on my words.

Iwaizumi is an Alpha, and in addition to being my best friend he is very protective.

Kuroo and I started dating more seriously. We had couple dates, we go back and forth to each other’s houses, I often joined him at lunch at his school, and he did it when I didn’t. I spent most of my time with him.

Kuroo is also an Omega, as am I. When I told him I was surprised about this, he reassured me by telling me that it was not uncommon to think he was an Alpha. . . _don’t tell me about it_. Big, imposing, mature. . . _not very mature,_ his laughter proves the contrary, but he could be very serious on some occasions. By having the same rank as mine, he knew what to do when I was not feeling well and managed to cheer me up or sooth with his pheromones. Of a cuddly nature, it was not uncommon for him not to attract me against him or beg for affection on any occasion. I was no better, I often asked for hugs and glued me against him as soon as we were at his place.

It followed with several-hour cuddling in bed, simple kisses turning into languorous ones, hands around my waist slipping on my hips and ending up grabbing my butt, an adventurous mouth in my neck before browsing my chest and belly kisses . . . a first time since I had never dared to have a relationship with a man before, even less in the role of the submissive.

All this happened in our first month, pretty fast. I had learned about it, observing how other couples evolve and at what level. . . To my surprise when Matsukawa and Hanamaki told me that they had not reached this stage before a few months after being in couple. Perhaps . . . No, maybe they were just slower in business.

Kuroo takes care of me.

He’s good.

He did. . .

I’m happy.

Tetsurou gives me everything I want, he offers me gifts, he prepares me food. He pay when we go at the restaurant, he prepares us dates that are always differents and that bring us together a lot of fun. He gives me all the love I need, and I give him back.

Kuroo-chan is perfect. He is the man of my life.

He has never hurt me.

It happened one night we had gone camping, _well_ . . . Not really camping!

We were leaving after school, I was exhausted and I fell asleep in the car on the way. To my surprise when it seemed dark night, Kuroo woke me up quite slowly. A caress on the cheek, a kiss on the forehead and his soft voice.

“ Wake up, love. We’re here. ”

“ Hmm? . . oh, I fell asleep, sorry . . I . . ”

He immediately stopped my words by a kiss on the lips before telling me to stop apologizing. I apologized again, out of instinct, and almost did it again when I saw him so discouraged. He stopped me, putting a finger on my lips.

“ Follow me. ”

He reached out to me, waiting for me to give him my hand before I got up and got out of the car with him. I shivered, but he hid my eyes by taking a few steps forward an unknow direction for me. I trusted him, walking by his help as he came behind me. He surrounded his arms around my body, having removed his hands from before my eyes, placing his head against my shoulder. I waited until he allowed me to open my eyes, and as soon as I opened my eyelids. . .

A beautiful landscape. We were on a hidden corner near a mountain road, some trees surrounding us and an iron border preventing us from falling. In front of us, in the distance, the city of Tokyo in all its splendour. So far, so great, _bright_. . . it lights reflecting in my eyes, my lips ajar since I tried to pronounce a sound. He ended up laughing, making me jump out of my thoughts.

“ Very good actor. ”

“ W- What?? No, it’s super beautiful! I'm not playing any role! ”

I pulled a pout and he laughed even more beautifully, pulling me better against him between his arms while he nestled his head in my neck. I shivered at the warm breath escaping from his lips against my skin, getting closer to him. After all, my body was seeking for warmth from this autumn temperature. It wasn’t particularly hot. We continued to observe the show in front of us for a long time, I had the impression that the night would pass so well, I felt good at his side. I was hoping this moment would never end…

Then came the moment when I felt him tremble.

“ Are you sleepy? Are you cold? Do you want to get back in the car? ”

I was surprised when he didn't answered, I turned to him to take his face into my hands. His cheeks were red, he breathed quickly, and his pupils were dilated. I questioned him, but he pulled me in the car and threw me in the back seat.

I got more afraid than I could have been hurt.

He climbed on top of me, standing between my thighs, which he sharply opened. Still surprised that my pants didn’t split! I felt him wiggling a bit his hips, rubbing against me… that huge bump in his pants. I enlarged my eyes in surprise, having released a slight noise. He looked at me with envy, kissing me like his life depended on it while he started undoing my pants. I didn’t have time to talk, my clothes had already been taken away. I pushed him to stop the kiss and breathe, and he kissed my neck before biting it and made me yelp. I didn’t really wanted to … but he did. I would do _anything_ for him. He prepared me by offering me everything I needed, kissing me on the mouth before he pushed his way in myself. I moaned, then screamed as he growled his pleasure. He slipped a hand on my cheek, my eyes were half closed. It was only for a second, but I felt like I saw a mischievous smile on his face. I closed my eyes before I felt him hide his face in my shoulder by taking my thighs better into his hands. He took a stronger swing, his cadence increasing to the point that I slipped my hands behind his back. Leaving him marks of my fingernails, lacking voice on the movements in the end before we both came.

We stayed for a long time in silence, without moving to catch our breath before he becomes soft again and offers me small kisses everywhere.

The other weeks went well, and when I realized that that night I could have got pregnant I immediately did the tests. I was reassured to know that it was negative, but my mother learned everything.

* * *

I just heard noise in my room, it must be my husband. I should resume writing another day, I’m tired anyway. . . I will need energy for tomorrow.

_Tooru Oikawa_   
_19 August 2022_


	2. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa started writing again in his book, providing doctors informations about events of which he was the only one with Kuroo to know. . . His husband and children are worried, and His name comes back to him more and more frequently in his head.

> Hey, it’s. . .  
>  _uh_. .  
>  me again.

I wrote the first few pages last time . . . I've let go a lot of pain by writing it, but I also suffered enormously. . . I didn't noticed it at first, before the children made me notice. . . my children are my little sunshines. I never thought they would understand so easily. . the twins are filled with surprise.

They leaned down to my stomach, waiting for their little sister who should be arriving soon, and fell asleep like that by telling me how much they loved me. . . How lucky am I for having such wonderful children? My husband came then, told me to rest by making me notice my condition too, and kissed me before taking them to bed.

I still wonder how _he_ and I ended up together. . . we’re so - differents?

I always thought that I would only had the love I felt as a teenager for Iwa-chan and the love I experienced with Kuroo. . . but he too is a perfect Sun. It is thanks to him, my children and my friends that I am able to get back on track.

Kuroo . . . it's been now what, four years?

I never thought I would say that again, but I miss you. Day after day.

But don't go misunderstand me! I love my husband, more than anything in the world, and my children too. I love the life I am living right now. But, of course, I'd love to live it with him like we were supposed to do.

I miss his smileHis eyes, his hair  
His hysterical laugh, his strange ways  
His touches, his hugs, his kisses. . .

The person who supports me for my mental health reads what I write. . . at least he read my last words on paper from last time and showed them to one of his colleagues. I must . . I must refrain from saying certain things. . .

I didn't intend at first to touch this notebook again, I left it there for a week. . . we were preparing with Kenma and Akaashi their daughter’s party, the boys always got along with them. Especially Kiyoshige, my oldest son. He always had a great friendship with her, it reminds me . .

I,, I will continue my story of the last time.

* * *

As I said earlier,

my mother found the tests pretty quickly. . . since my older sister is already several months pregnant with her second child and my brother is an Alpha looking for a girlfriend. . . She turned to me.

First, she immediately asked me what kind of girl have I found for having unprotected sex with me. My mother has always been very formal about this, and she has always wanted me to find myself a girlfriend and introduce her to her before doing anything. I looked away, clearly trapped. . . She turned into a fury, wondering why I didn’t tell her about my so-called " _girlfriend_ ", or even less introduce her. If one of _her_ tests were in our house, it was because she probably came here without my mother meeting her.

Ears bent in front of my mother’s sermons, tail between legs by fear.

I. . . everyone always saw me so strong, and yet I felt so _weak_ at that time. No nice words. No sound coming out of my lips. My sister entered the room at her turn, lightening the mood between us.

“ Don’t be surprised that he won’t tell you anything if you yell at him like that. . . let him explain himself. ”

My mother listened to my sister, as always, and my eldest came to sit in my bed making me sit with her. Massaging my shoulders, whispering sweet words. The scene has been long, let me shorten the boring details. . . I finally confessed my sexual orientation to my mother, my sister already seemed to know it when she reassured me. My mom knelt down next to me, told me if it was the case, she wanted to be sorry for yelling. She was also surprised that Hajime was not the _lucky one_ , when she had pronounced his name and I had moved negatively from the head. She reminded me to always protect myself, that I was lucky I didn’t got pregnant and that it would just ruin my studies, since I was so young.

She . . . told me that she still wanted to meet my boyfriend, whom I preferred not to talk about yet. She had already met him, without knowing about us, one morning when she was going to work and she saw my _friend_ coming home, or when I went to sleep at his home and she saw him waiting for me outside at the door. She. . . just didn’t need to know right away.

Times passed, Kuroo calmed down and became just as soft and emotional as before. At least, for some time. As we were getting into the mood, I took his sweater off and started massaging his back. Taking a more curious look on him, I was horrified to discover so much bruises covering his skin. My fingers going down from his shoulders to the marks on his hips, he arched and straightened himself by making me fall into the bed. He seemed at the same time angry, in pain and scared . . .

“ . . . Kuroo, what is that? ”

“ Nothing. My teammate's _Good-Job_ slaps. ”

“ Kuroo. I know you, and them too now. There’s no way Kenma would leave you with marks like that, and so for the others. Why are you. . . ”

I didn’t had the time to finish my sentence that a hand wrapped around my throat, sticking me to bed. I swallowed, putting my hands on his to make him let go. He . . . seemed to have surprised himself. He quickly let go of me, I took my deep breath while coughing before I felt him get closer, as if to check my condition, before I saw him backing away as fast as he tried to reach to me. He was sitting at the edge of his bed, hands on his head, slipping his fingers between his hair and pulling it. I stood up as I came near him to surround him with my arms, giving him time. This crisis passed after _long_ minutes, but went away. He first began to tremble, before sinking into my arms with tears in his eyes. He seemed so distraught. . . He didn’t strangle me so hard, it was probably a reflex.

“ Tetsurou . . I don’t blame you. Please calm down. Relax, everything is fine. ” I murmured while rocking him against me, whispering sweet words to him while he ends up relaxing by squeezing me back. I was reassured.

That was before his features became normal again. And again, it wasn’t the only thing that came back. The more I saw Kuroo, every time we made love, he wanted to keep his sweater. It was not modesty, since it was always the first thing that he would normally remove. . . I tried not to pay attention, but when I stroked softly his hair while he was sleeping, I had a better view of his body. He would often take off his clothes until he was only wearing boxers when he was sleeping because of the warmth of his room. I saw. . . so many bruises, huge bites and lacerations. . .

Hate caught me.

Who could do this to him?

I set myself the goal of finding them.

The next few weeks continued until the Christmas holidays. I spoke to some of his team members and the people closest to him. No one knew; however. . . except Kozume. He seemed to want to tell me something, but remained silent by dodging me as much as he could. He repeated to me every time an almost inaudible _“ I can’t ”_.

Kuroo didn’t wanted me at his home anymore, and wanted us to meet outside his house or at mine. . . When I spoke to Kenma about the matter, he seemed more affected.

“ . . . Everything happen at his home, isn’t it? Kenma, I need you to tell me. I’ve never seen him so scared, he always comes back with worse wounds. At first, they were discrete bruises, and now he has trouble doing certain moves when he’s in too much pain. ”

“ . . . ”

“ Kenma. . . _Please_. I’ll have to contact the police, otherwise. ”

“ You . . . don’t do that. ”

“ Why? You don’t want to help me, so I have to find a way! ”

He looked at me with concern. I knew it was important to him too, after all, Tetsurou is his best friend. He looked at me before he took me out of sight and told me everything.

Kuroo’s mother has been in a coma for a few years now, Kenma tells me that he cannot tell me why . . . but now I suspect it. He asked me if I had ever seen his family, and he was not surprised by my _“ No ”_. He told me that Kuroo’s father was an alcoholic, violent man who deserves to be imprisoned. He told me that Kuroo had problems with him for a long time, but when he told the police, everything became worst.

His. . . _own father_ . . . . abused him in his childhood, and probably was still doing it?

I remembered how many times Kuroo told me he was working and saving all of his money to go to an apartment. . . But he covered me with a gift, and certainly with his money.

The money that allowed him _freedom_.

It was _my_ fault.

He would have been able to leave sooner if I hadn’t been there. Get away from the mad man that was hurting him.

His own father.

I swallowed when I learned, and Kenma told me to save Kuroo if I could, without putting myself in danger of course. Only. . . support him would be enough, help him as best I can. _Enough_? Was that a joke?

I immediately called my lover several times, but he had only answered me two hours later, that evening. He told me that he had been busy, and when I told him what Kozume told me. . . I heard him cry on the other side of the phone. I didn't listened, I immediately took my sister’s car and drove to his house. I went to pick him up in his room, avoiding the man who seemed to be in the bathroom by doing fast to bring my loved one back with me in the car. . . He was covered in bruises again.

I drove with him to a hotel, paid for the room myself when I came in with him. Once in our room, I immediately took him in my arms gently so I would not hurt him. He felt dizzy, was shaking, and burst into tears again. I held him against me, I reassured him as he always did with me.

How could someone put a pearl like him through hell? His father was crazy. I wouldn’t let him hurt him more than he already did.

Never.

I cheered him up, I hugged him and we took a bath. He was lying against me, floating in his minds for a moment while I was washing his hair. He remained calm, clinging to me while he was almost falling asleep. I would've found him adorable if it had been in another situation. . . He ended up asking me if he could stay at my home for a while, and I immediately accepted. Upon learning of his condition, my mother would accept. She was a lawyer, she would surely take care of him . . . but I respected Kuroo when he told me not to talk about it.

We washed and then put on more comfortable clothes, I covered him with the blanket in the bed, taking him again against me between my arms. He immediately snuggled up, which was usually the opposite. . . but Kuroo _needed it_. I offered him all the love he needed, releasing my pheromones to relax him as much as I could. He quickly fell asleep against me, like a kitten looking for caresses.

For most of the night, I stayed awake to watch over him. I didn’t want anyone laying a finger on him again or bothering him in his sleep. He needed it. I gave one last glare at the locked door before finally falling asleep in my turn, my head leaning against his.

The next day, he woke up before me but stayed in the room. He even stood against me, all along, and watched me when I woke up. I was a little surprised and lost, rubbing my eyelids to see it was one o'clock in the afternoon at that time. I startled, but he put me to bed back again with a little whine of pain. I immediately apologized, and he reassured me that it was not my fault. By looking at all of his injuries, we had taken care to treat him while waiting for the dinner offered in the room. He still seemed a little worried, but happier.

His smile was contagious. . I was so happy to see him get back to normal.

We talked a long time. He explained everything to me, or at least what I already knew from Kozume. I told him to keep his money, that I would even give him a share of my savings so that he could leave as soon as possible. It took him a long time to agree, but he finally did it by thanking me.

The following days were quieter. His father did not resurface, my mother had accepted his presence in our house and counted him as a member of the family. . . She understood. You didn’t have to be a genius for that. He got used to us, slept with me every night and his wounds healed.

We arrived close to the amount, I even started planning slowly to come with him. But Christmas holidays were coming, and he had to go back home. That night, I called the police in the case we needed to. And I did well. We could have died, both of us, if I haven’t done that.

* * *

It's a little too hard to write all at once. Forgive me.

_Tooru Oikawa_  
_28 August 202_ **____ (incomprehensible ink stains)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii ovo  
> I hope there's not too much errors, cuz, remember... my english suck lmao  
> But I'm doing my best so all of you can read my work ! 
> 
> We learned more about Tetsurou's past, with which he struggled to survive.  
> Tooru and him finally stepped back into the house to take his stuff, but something happened. They could have died. . . Also, why was there ink that stained the paper before the end of Oikawa's sentence?  
> If Kuroo's gone, who is the person living with Tooru? You'll find more in the chapter 03 !
> 
> Don't forget, there's a lot of angst subjects in this story! Be aware! ♡


	3. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having four children is never easy, but when one of them learns that he doesn't have the same father as his younger siblings? . . . how would you do it? That's what Oikawa's struggling with right now, also trying to take back a step into his memories with his notebook.

> Things aren’t really going as planned, are they?

I have a reason for my absence this time, even if. . . Why am I justifying myself? No one really read it, or is waiting for me to continue on a due date. I go at my own pace. I mean, yes, the doctor read it. But I only see him once a month, and he missed September.

I had labor right at the end of the last page. I even stained the paper with ink. . . No luck.

Anyway! Which means that I finally have my daughter! I'm not hiding my joy, after three boys, it's different. . . But fun! First Kiyoshige, the twins followed; Nobuki and Hikaru. Ayaka is now part of the family.

She’s much more calm than the twins, surprisingly. She didn't even cried at the first meeting with the doctor, or at least, while she was in her father’s arms. It didn't bother me, to see him so happy being able to sooth his child and cuddly so much left me a break. His joy was visible. The nights are however still a little hard, I had to get up many times to come and console her. Since my husband took over, however, it isn't uncommon to find him lying in the cradle, his legs out, with Ayaka on his chest the morning when everyone woke up.

The nights are exhausting, but at least the days are more nice. It's a pity, since the twins take from their father and have a lot of energy. . . Fortunately he’s able to make them exhausted. I wouldn’t have the strength to contain them, especially with all the sleep Ayaka owes me.

Kiyo, when to him, he . . . found a picture of Kuroo.

I saw him on my way back home from the boy's school, he was sitting on my bed with a little storage box that I knew far too well. . . I watched through the crack of the door, reassured that my daughter was asleep against my chest. This box was normally stored at the top of the closet, behind our old volleyball school clothes to me and my husband.

He . . . _how?_ He shouldn’t be supposed to find this box by luck like this, unless someone told him.

I continued to spy, as I knew. I knew so well the contents of this box. . .

A necklace, pictures of me and Kuroo, a letter. . . _all things from Kuroo_. . . there . . . there was also an ultrasound photo. When I saw him watching the man he didn’t know and the baby picture, I moved forward and the floor cracked. He startled, turning his head towards me in as much misunderstanding that his eyes could possibly contain. I could see very clearly that he wanted to question me, that he had so much questions without answers, but he left everything there when he left the room. Passing side to me as if nothing had happened, head down. . . it was this morning.

Normally I leave the notebook there too, I think I did the right thing not to leave it there this time. . . He will talk to me when he'll feels ready. In the meantime, I will have to think about what to say when the time comes.

How am I supposed to tell my son that the man who raised him is not his father, but indeed his brothers and sister’s one? And that his biological father died, without even knowing his existence?

* * *

_All_. . . went pretty quickly, then.

I will spare you from making this _chapter_ only on this subject, _or at least try_ , but when I said that we would could have died, it was true.

A few days after the event, after helping Kuroo-chan move in and spending time with him, I went to see Iwaizumi for the winter holidays. His family and mine came close together a long time ago, along with our growing friendship. His parents are like a father and a mother to me, and my parents are the same to him. So I went to his home, and as soon as he opened the door. . . _as soon as he saw my face_. . . He stopped smiling all of a sudden. He grabbed me, brought me to his room, and looked me up and down.

I forgot the huge bruise on my cheek, and the few fingerprints on my neck.

“ Who did this to you? ” he immediately asked, his protective aura boarding on his natural personality, making me shudder. I looked away for a few moments, and finally explained to him when he told me that he would _kill_ the person who hurted me, under a growl of pure anger.

I told him the whole story.

That we went to Kuroo’s to pick up his things and take them to his apartment that he finally have been able to get, that his father - an alcoholic - was unfortunately there at the time we came and had been waiting for his son. While Kuroo was getting his things in his room, his father saw me and hit me. Before he took me by the throat and lifted me to the wall.

I was so frightened at the time, I practically didn’t dare do anything. The smell of alcohol, sweat and pheromones together disgusted me, but I was too scared. Was it in this kind of climate that Tetsurou grew in? . . . Maybe drunk, he probably took me for him. I wonder how, but who know. 

When my boyfriend came out of his room, he froze. He called his father once, then two times to get his attention. It worked, since he dropped me to the ground and advanced towards Kuroo.

I didn't saw everything, too busy to take back my breath and put my ideas in place since I almost lost consciousness. . . All I heard was a sound, like a thud, and then others like the first.

When I looked up, it was too late. I saw Kuroo on the ground in a puddle of his own blood. His father also fell, shot to death on the ground.

I panicked, ran towards him and saw that there was a gun on the ground. _The bastard had dared to try to kill him!?_ I didn’t pay attention to the police inspecting the old man’s body, focusing my attention on my boyfriend. He was still breathing, but his wound was bleeding _so much_. . . I pulled off my jacket and pressed it on the wound, causing him to growl with pain as he held my arm with one of his. The police came close to us, checking Kuroo’s condition by pulling me back to take my place and calling an ambulance.

Once they got to the hospital, they started taking care of Kuroo. In the meantime, I had to stay with the police and they asked me what happened and everything I could remember. I explained to them, or at least told them about all the little facts my brain allowed me to remember from that traumatic event. . . But by seeing my misunderstanding of the situation, since I had run out of breath, they explained to me.

At the moment they entered, Kuroo’s father shot him in the stomach when he saw him coming towards him with anger, and the police immediately killed his father. . . _well done for him_. This guy didn't deserved life, and Kuroo would not have to suffer because of him anymore. . . _suffer_ . .

“ How is he?. . . ” I hocked my words as best I could, wanting to know what condition he was in. _Good Lord . . . . make him be alright, please. . ._ My concern must have been visible, since one of the two policemen had gone to fetch me a cup of water and his partner had knelt before me, trying to get my attention as best I can and surely to make me understand the gravity of things.

“ Listen. . The doctors are taking care of him, they’re taking the bullet away from him right now. From what I heard, it hasn’t touched anything too bad. I don’t want to give you false hope, though, if something happens. I'm sorry, you can only wait for an answer from the experts. ”

I was. . . at the same time reassured, a little, and extremely trembling? He sighed, stood up and gave me an emotional pat on the shoulder as if to console me as his comrade arrived.

“ You look young, still a student? Do you have the phone number of the guardians of your friend, or the phone number of yours? "

I nodded my head, giving her my phone to show her my mother’s contact while I was holding the water cup, shaking between my fingers. She called my mother who, as I understood it, was coming soon. The cops stayed with me for a while, until I kind of got out of my mind to see my mother arrive, followed by my brother and sister. My father. . . was probably at work, again. Knowing my mother, she probably preferred to go to the hospital alone without him to take care of her son and not waste any time. My brother is protective of his cadets, and so is my sister since she has children. I was caught in a reassuring embrace, the policemen leaving to give us a moment of privacy, while I arched my eyebrows.

Kuroo was the one who needed help, not me.

My mother immediately began cursing my boyfriend’s late father, saying that he was well dead, like I reacted mentally earlier, while my sister and brother looked up and down at me. A second time I repeated all the information I knew in addition to those provided by the police, and my sister clung in fear at the sight of the bruises already forming on my face and neck. My brother too, not even daring to touch my wounds. From what I could remember, my sister begged my mother to do something for Tetsurou, and she obviously agreed.

The. . a doctor finally arrived and spoke to my mother, but I intervened. He had to give _ME_ the information, I didn’t want anyone to hide anything from me. He didn't fight back and told me everything: Tetsurou was in a bad state when we arrived, but he was better now. The bullet was out of his body and he was sleeping in a room. He would still need some rest, however.

I obviously asked if I could go and see him, and he agreed. My sister tried to come to to stay with me, as did my mother and brother, and I was so grateful to them. How did I ended up in such a caring family? But I was the only one allowed to walk into the room. Led to this room, I bit my lip when I finally entered.

The vision . . . tore my heart.

Kuroo was lying in one of those white beds announcing death so often, shirtless with a huge medical bandage applied around his belly. Already slightly stained with blood. He seemed asleep, probably still under the effects of the drugs that had put him to sleep for the operation. I folded my lips, arched my eyebrows as I got closer. He had huge dark circles under his eyes, two pockets hanging from a stirrup, one of which contained blood that was plugged into his elbow. I winced, not a _fan_ of needles, and I knew that Kuroo wasn't one either. . . but it was for his own good. I gently pulled the chair to sit next to him, holding his hand while waiting. I even ended up falling asleep after several hours side to him.

I told Hajime _everything_ , explaining that after Tetsurou was taken at my house later on when he felt better and my mother took all the trouble to make an adoption paper for him, since his father was now dead and his mother was in a coma. . . If she ever woke up, she’d be her legal guardian again. That when he got better, now that his house had been cleaned, we had the opportunity to get everything he needed to help him move. He had succeeded with me and my brother, who worked in real estate, to find a new small friendly apartment. Close to home, and also to his work. He didn't intended to drop out of school. My family helped with the move as well as some of his friends; such as Bokuto and Kenma. We were relieved at the end, and I spent the first few days with my love , only with him in his new home. It made him feel strange, but every smile he had made me happy. He felt _safe_ here, and it was obvious. I wished him so much happiness.

Even then, I was very strict and prevented him from doing a lot of things due to his injury, wanting him to rest as much as possible, but he still managed to sneak behind me from time to time. He was healing well, and it was only when he felt better that I decided to come and spend some time with my best friend.

When Iwaizumi learned everything, he was angry first. However, I didn't hold a grudge against him, seeing his anxiety spread on his usual firm face throughout my fault. He took me in his arms, and we spent the party with his family afterwards. I didn’t get any messages from my lover all night, worrying me a little bit, but he did tell me that he wanted me to have fun and that I didn’t pay all my attention to my phone for him when I was finally with Iwa-chan for two days. Tonight, it was with him and his family. The next day, we would spend the day with the team and the night with Takahiro and Issei. I’ll go back to Kuroo soon enough.

A fine smile had formed on my lips, while I was participating in a discussion with Hajime and his parents, his grandparents placing one sentence from time to time. I always liked the atmosphere here, it was reassuring and welcoming.

“ Say, you two. When will you finally move yourself and tell us that you're a _couple_? After so many years of _friendship_? "

I choked on my drink, coughing since I swallowed wrongly at that question. Iwa-chan . . . was bright red, before rolling his eyes and telling his grandmother that it wouldn’t happen, that our friendship was too beautiful to be spoiled. He also didn't missed any opportunity to say that I would surely be annoying to live with, to add that I was already in a relationship anyway. Interested eyes landed on me, and I quietly glared at Iwaizumi who had put me in such a situation. . . Seeing him drink while completely ignoring my eyes.

I was bombarded with questions, several remarks saying that _“ Iwa would be better than anyone ”_. . . and indeed, I would had thought that a year or two ago too, even just before I was with Tetsurou. I’ve loved my best friend for a long time and ruined everything . . . _well_.

It took a lot of hours of the night before finally getting many people tired, like his grandparents, uncles and cousins leaving, while Hajime’s parents wished us good night. We went to his room, and I was reassured that he hadn't changed our old habits. . . It would have been difficult to sleep in these conditions otherwise. Even awkward. . .

We took a shower, one by one, before changing and then both lay down in bed. It was big enough for both of us, Matsukawa and Hanamaki had already been stuck with us inside of it. So just me and Iwa-chan, it was easy.

I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder as we spoke, hearing a wave of _good night_ in my sleep.

* * *

_Tooru Oikawa_  
_03 october 2022_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's where I left the story on my previous account. ~ Everything from now one will be new, despite the ideas I still had back before even starting the story. Hope you'll like it !~


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